*pokes head sheepishly around corner*
err.... hello. I've been gone rather a long time, haven't I? 
I just got back from flipping out at you on another thread because you deleted the kismet story, sooooo I figured while I was on I might as well do something more useful. Aheh... Sorry about the long silence- I'll spare you the excuses. 
I'm sorry!!
Anyways, to make amends, even though I should be asleep I'll sit here and crit 
I was a good girl and went back to read the part preceding this to refresh my memory, so... here we go tee heet sworddance nit-pick! I'm sure you just- er- missed them so terribly...
So first suggestion- maybe this is because I was away from it for so long, but I think not, as like I said I did go back and read it, I think you should transition this more neatly with what the previous one left off by saying sum'thin like,
"They didn't have to look far for the source of the interruption; a skeleton sat on the Sibelnu, one hand pressed against its rib cage and the other raised high, as an opera singer would do."
-->coincidentally, I agree with what one of the posters said about eliminating the "do." It's not a necessary word, really.
“The only time I’m awake is when you’re in here, you stupid little faerie!” the skeleton yammered, teeth clattering together, as it jumped down and rattled towards them.
-->what he says doesn't exactly make sense; no one mentioned anything about him being awake or asleep, only about "being in here", so perhaps you might word that differently... "In here, stupid faerie, but never awake unless you come in," the skeleton... etc
--> yammered; not quite the best word. That's usually a sort of babbling on, which he isn't doing until later. It kinda describes the way in which a skelly would speak, but tis still not quite what you're looking for, I'd say. Mayhap "rattled" would work better.
“Thing?!” roared the skeleton, arms coming up to twist his head around to stare at Leah, apparently speechless by the thirteen-year-old girl buried in books, gazing at him with no sparing of skepticism.
--> reeeaaaaalllllyyyyy confusing. First he's roaring, then he's speechless, but the actions aren't defined in and of themselves. They're blurred as though all one action, which makes no sense.
-->"no sparing of skepticism" also makes no sense to me.
-->I'd suggest re-wording that sentence into something like the following:
"Thing?!" roared the skeleton, its arms reaching up to forcibly twist his head about to look to the source of the insult, but he froze as suddenly as he'd begun; the sight of Leah, a thirteen year-old girl buried in books who gazed at him with no small amount of skepticism, seemed to rendered him speechless."
....maybe. 
"Leah’s eyebrows all but jumped off her head."
--> rofl great imagery, but might I suggest "jumped from her forehead"?
“Are you hitting on me?” she asked, and Rowan burst into laughter, stifling his humor in an old book and snorting between his teeth.
-->couple things- I suggest adding "dumbfounded" in there, or some such, so you get "she asked, dumbfounded, and..."
-->also: it is difficult to imagine someone "bursting into laughter" while at the same time "stifling" it. The two are contradictory to each other. So- "burst into snorts of stifled laughter, trying vainly to hide his humor in the pages of an old book." .....sum'tin like dat.
"muttered the Geezer under his breath to Leah, who looked thunderstruck."
-->"who looked thunderstruck". Is this referring to her reaction to the Geezer's words, or to the skelly's? Because it reads as the former in this context. If not, I would say, "...to Leah, whose unchanging thunderstruck expression quite clearly told him she did not comprehend. He sighed." ...and then what he says next.
"Sherman, after the Geezer noticed that steam had been gathering for almost a minute, pointed him towards the abandoned clay, and whispered, “If it makes you feel better, he was this stupid when I first came in here.”"
-->Sherman pointed him toward the abandoned clay and whispered?? Take out the comma-inserted bit, and that's what you get. Unless he holds a rather interesting conversation with himself, it makes no sense. SO!
--> please clarify for us by breaking it into separate sentences or something who exactly is the subject of that paragraph, who is pointing, who is noticing, and who is speaking. it's supposed to be sum'thin like "The Geezer, noticing that steam had been gathering for almost a minute, pointed Sherman toward the abandoned clay and whispered," ...right? Something like that?
"Rowan was sneaking glances at Julius and the swiftly-dozing Leah and felt boredom well up inside him."
-->tense change. I suggest "...and the swiftly dosing Leah, feeling boredom..."
"the Lockezan apparently has an issue with the way I water the pansies"
--> ROFLMAO I love it You know, I'll tell you straight out- one of the greatest things I love about your writings is the way you word things sometimes- exquisite, and exquisitely hilarious. Such sarcasm 
"Saya on her shoulder. Saya dived quickly into her bucket. "
-->repetitive. "The changeling dived..." perhaps?
"she muttered, after surfacing."
-->cut the "after"; tis unnecessary, trust me.
And now I must move on to the others!!!!!!!
..hmmm, I ought to go to sleep sometime soon here as well. I have class tomorrow, oh joy... *sigh*
ONWARD!!!!!!
) 
Julius is a psycho in my opinion, but in a crazily loveable sort of way.
Points: 890
Reviews: 101
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